Let me do this on my own...

Baby..I can't ...

2009-12-07T12:19:00.002+01:00

That was the only word that i remembered when i had that fall. In my silence, all i feel is you and all that i hear is you...Thanks for being there for me...

How do you know if this is love?

2009-12-07T12:10:00.001+01:00

What will happen next?

2009-12-07T11:27:00.002+01:00

My brother commented that that my blog is nothing but rubbish! A damn mambo-jumbo site with no contents and learning point! This is where I pin my feelings and thoughts for the day. Cheesy, corny and emotional at times! Oh Yeah lately…

There were too many issues for me handle. It’s one after another. An attraction which leads to love and passion and it ended up leaving me in shame and pain. It wasn’t hard for me to accept the fact but it was the talk of the town. Someway or another, I became famous for the wrong reasons. There were too many versions of my tales. There were too many phone calls and messages which came in beeping through my phone. To some, they were just being concerned and that they cared. To others, they just want to be part of the “trial”. They just want to know on my “naive ness” all these while.

“How can she not know that he is a married man?”
“Why is she still with a married man when she knows that he is married?”
“Why is she so naïve?”
“Why is she so desperate for a man like him?”
“Why is she this and that……

The question of the day would be “How are you feeling today? Are you over him yet?” (Thanks eh!)

Sad, disappointed or heartbreaking is not the word to be used on me. I am just contented that my prayers has been answered.

No more from you..

2009-09-21T03:54:00.002+01:00

Everything that I need to know has been resolved. No more questions from me after this. I am satisfied with the overall conclusion. I have never seen a pretense at such a great level. I have never seen myself crying for another woman plea. I am extremely disappointed in myself for hurting another. Overall, I blamed my self for trusting my love ones too much.

It was supposed to be a day of forgiveness. I threw away my ego and seek my apologies from someone. All this while, I have not been a responsible girlfriend. I was too involved in my hectic work lifestyle that I have left someone pending without attention. He was in need of maybe someone to talk to or someone to share a shoulder to cry on. I was indeed not giving any attention to him as I set my priority to my projects and datelines. I did not receive any text message but I received a call instead.

A familiar voice asking me,” Who are you? My wife is beside me”

This silly me thought that I was just a joke. How stupid! Then, that was when I received those hurtful messages on a blissful morning. Hey, I deserved it.

“Kau ni perempuan sundal ke apa?”

“Don’t you know that you are stupid?”

My replied to her was, “Maafkan I”

I was thinking, wow, what a great day to begin everything with. I was shaken and I was stuck. I didn’t know what to do. To cry, oh no...I can’t cry because of this…because of this man. No way! I keep up my fake smiles at Nenek’s place as all I wanted to do was to be alone. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku sungguh kerdil di hadapanmu! Forgive me!

I do not want anyone to know about it until I called her and she told me everything. I was shattered. Now, my every detailed question has been answered. My reoccurring dream explained it too. I have never seen my brother so pissed off before. My brother was there for me. I ensure Twee that i was fine. Indeed, it made me stronger. It's a great learning point which i will always remember in life.

How can a wife not know what has the husband been doing all this while with another woman? What a great liar! You have fooled almost everyone. If you are reading this, I just want you to know that I hate you…. Don’t you ever see me again cause I fucking hate you!

Bliss...

2009-09-13T15:05:00.004+01:00

What to expect when you are meeting someone for the first time after more than 14 years? There were too much things to catch up on. Gossips, life, career, family and those little things...that made you smile....

I miss the old days.....

Archiekins...

2009-09-06T06:23:00.003+01:00

Aida and Azhari was super sweet to send a bag of Archie comics for me to read...aww...it does made me laugh...thanks both of you...

Now that examinations are over, i have all the time in the world to finish up my reading and not forgetting...Zoom zoom..im a few steps away ...Nana Li...where are you?

Are you still taking it with me?

Merindukanmu....

2009-09-05T15:38:00.003+01:00

Selama aku masih bisa bernafas
Masih sanggup berjalan
Ku kan slalu memujamu
Meski ku tak tau lagi
Engkau ada di mana
Dengarkan aku ku merindukanmu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4DYoLSz

Fb0

Bukan aku tak cinta...

2009-09-05T15:32:00.004+01:00

My Hectic and Chewy Friday

2009-09-05T15:20:00.002+01:00

It was a hectic Friday especially when all the execs were out onsite and my Manager was at customer place too. There were too much testing to be done for me. Testing was being done on all the web tools. This was because of Project Galopp. Hmm! I almost had a major breakdown especially when I had to source for my own solution. What a stressful situation to be in, especially when you are fasting!

Thanks to Sir Galopp, I had to be in the office early in the morning to do my testing. As I galloped my way to work, (psst…I prefer taking the bas nowadays even though I have the monthly transport allowance) my movement had been restricted by some unseen forces. It left me feeling so stupid and dumb with everyone’s eyes on me, staring straight at the lady. Damn! Whatever! The moment I reached the office, I immediately docked in my laptop. What a shame! Some applications are still down despite the rollout! So what do I do now? Send email to escalate ticket to E4! It’s better to give an overseas call.

I was practically seated in front of the laptop for the whole of Friday. Finally, I had it when I received an overseas call saying that there was no solution for the current situation. Most amazing, they requested to close the E4 ticket. Very funny huh!

After lunch, another major impact to my brain. All the web tools pickup and bookings are not going through to the dispatch team. OMG! This is so fucked up! What would you do if you are in my place? I had too many missed calls….come on use your initiative to resolve the issue. Phew…luckily…I managed to solve the issue. Somehow I knew that I will be late for break fast…and yes indeed. I managed to leave the office at about 1845hrs after ensuring with dispatch team that everything was back to normal. I sprinted back home ….oh yeah…not a single cab.

I reached home feeling super hungry. “Eda, why are you late?” That’s my so called caring brother asking me.

There was so much food on the table in the living room. From “kuih-muih” to “murtabak” to “bubur masjid”.

“Tadi Abang Bazaar sends the food here. Abang Bazaar passes me cigarettes too you know”

Oh, so that’s the reason on why I received 2 missed calls from him. So Twee, did you thank him for all the food? Thanks for the food Bazaar! Appreciate it….

So there you had it, after a long and tiring day at work, I reached home smiling looking at Twee’s antics boasting about the cigarette that he received. And not forgetting looking at the fat hamster enjoying its food too…puasa ke tu copot? Hahaha….

Men Seni Sevaman

2009-08-30T14:03:00.007+01:00

I have been keeping to myself. I think it is time that I voice out my opinions, my thoughts and my point of views.

People around me have been asking me questions which I chose not to answer. The question on “why” kept lingering day and night. At the end of the intensive wait, a decision had to be made. It is not an announcement as there is no string attached. What was attached was of’ course the love.

I have been reading messages like “FYI, I know you don’t care”

“All you care is attention, attention and attention”

“You don’t fucking care”

Falling in love is the most beautiful feeling ever. I would love to be in love again. Those late nights at the beach, the midnight movies, the favorite hangout, the non-stop conversations, and those makansutra….ahem no Kamasutra eh…..

Those were the times where I was head over heels with someone. No words can describe on how happy I was in those days. Even now, I will only remember those sweet memories that I had with you. Those cold night rides on the bike, with my hands in you pocket. Those nightmares! Those time alone together! Those quality times together. Those times when I hugged you and whisper to you that I missed you. Those time when I would press your thumb when you were talking.

When there is no more communication in a relationship and no matter how strong I held on to it, it still takes two to clap. When the heart has been broken once, I still held on loving you by the pieces. I have learned not to create unnecessary attention as my significant other has other things to strive for too. It is unjust to divert all the attention on me. I have learned to be more understanding. I have accepted that honeymoon period was over. It’s okay not to meet everyday. All you can do is just to text me and tell me that you are fine. Some of the days, there were complete silent like as if I did not exist. On some days, I swallowed my ego and give it a try to call my love. There was no answer and so I messaged but there were no reply.

On various occasion, I asked, “Are you meeting me today? I can wait for you outside your office.” There was no reply.

One day, I thought of giving it a surprise. I have waited outside the workplace and text you saying I will be waiting for you. Again, there was no reply.

There have been too much waiting and I can’t do it anymore.

On another occasion, I was asking you on a question which you are not able to answer. I have been asking too many questions these two years but I did not get any answer. My mistakes were I talked too much about my past. Your problem was you were hiding too many things from me.

What I need is someone whom I can rely on. Not financially but emotionally. No matter how strong I am, there were certain times where I was weakened by love.

I have to admit that you have been the best thing that ever happened in my life. As for now I wish to be alone. I wish to be away from you. I am picking up those bits and pieces from my heart and fix it back together. You said that you have been pushed right to the end of the tunnel. But where were you when I have made the request to talk things out?

Hopefully, one day, someone will heal me completely….

Ps: Am I such a difficult girlfriend? Am I that demanding?

Can you see it?

2009-08-30T15:16:00.002+01:00

Happy Birthday Twee!

2009-08-30T15:08:00.002+01:00

ps: Bapak cooked my favorite Chilli Crab on Twee's Birthday...yummy...thanks Bapak!

The pre-ordered request...from Twee

2009-08-28T08:08:00.001+01:00

ps: as long as it is not an electric guitar...

Random belts....

2009-08-28T07:31:00.002+01:00

I found this in my yearbook..ahaks... Twee?

2009-08-22T08:39:00.001+01:00

Shine my path...

2009-08-22T08:33:00.002+01:00

This early morning at dawn,i informed my dad about my results. Syukur Alhamdullilah. I've done it. "So what's next?"...my mum asked...What about marriage?..
My answer was, "Tak payah la Mak.."

Next mission on the list which i have left hanging for quite sometime....i shall continue it....

Teruskanlah...Kau dengan dirimu saja...

2009-08-16T14:43:00.001+01:00

Pernahkah kau bicara
Tapi tak di dengar
Tak di anggap
Sama sekali..

Pernahkan kau tak salah
Tapi disalahkan
Tak di beri
Kesempatan

Kuhidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi
Orang lain bagiku

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskan lah.. Teruskan lah
Kau begitu

Kau tak butuh diriku
Aku patung bagimu
Cinta buta
Kebutuhan mu

Maaf...

2009-08-16T09:01:00.000+01:00

All that I can say now is Alhamdullillah. I found peace in forgiving others especially the person whom I love the most. I have forgotten all about the past. It’s time to move on now. As much as I tried to forget about it, my heavy workload is helping me. I’m thankful that work has been great. I have learned to manage my own time and adopt new business skills at the same. I am proud of the lady. With something that I have gained, I think I have lost something else. That’s life, my love. Never be afraid to admit your own mistakes as it will just makes you wiser than yesterday….

Dinner at Nana Li's...

2009-08-16T08:35:00.005+01:00

Nana Li invited me and Creme(her golfmate, :( ...Jealous!) for dinner as she was on leave. Her message to me was "Dada, come to my house for dinner, I've got a suprise for you".

Creme brought along a basket of fruits and tubes of ice cream. I came with nothing!

Oh...Dato J was there too.

Nana Li..The cook for the day...

The Golfmate..Miss Creme...

My Favourite...Prawn fritters....Yummy...sedap k..

Nana Li's Mee Soto special....

I ate 10 big pieces of prawn fritters with Dato J....and Miss Creme was busily talking to Nana Li....as per normal.....Thanks Nana...

What did you have for breakfast on Sunday?

2009-08-16T08:16:00.003+01:00

I had my Nenek's Bubur Ayam for breakfast. Alhamdullilah! It tasted so heavenly. It has been a while since i had it for breakfast. I remembered someone telling me, "Alah, it's from your Nenek punya kedai kan. So you can just take without queing."

The problem is i hate the crowds in Geylang. Hmm, speaking about Geylang, i have yet to visit the new market place. I want to see Nenek's new stall!

Enta Eih..

2009-08-15T04:15:00.001+01:00

Humor looked in the mirror... and saw Love

2009-08-10T11:07:00.001+01:00

Love is about being stupid together. It is about finding someone whom you can’t live without. Love is about listening and love is giving.

“I’m shinning like a candle in the dark when you tell me that you love me”

“In the world of lies, you are the truth”

“I want to kiss your smile and feel your pain”

“I know its beautiful looking at you”

“You walk into my life to stop my tears”

“I make you safe no matter where you are”

“In the world without you, I will always hunger”

“All the impossible, I want to do”

Are these words of someone who is in love? It seems like an endless fantasy. Love should not have a happy ending. In fact, it should never have an ending. How dumb! When a person is in love, we always judge a situation by our heart and feelings instead of our mind and brain. When I was in love, it meant the world to me. I gave my whole heart and put in my endless effort to make it happen. I fought every single criticism that came a long the way. People say love has blinded her. She is not using her brains to make the decision. She knows that the future seems vague but still she held on believing in love. How naïve!

How do I know if I am in love? Some replies are “Kiss, kiss and kiss”

This time if I kiss, I know that it is lust. L

A busy day at work....

2009-08-09T16:16:00.002+01:00

I am loving this at work......

2009-08-09T16:09:00.002+01:00

It was a thumbs up for my Boss for requesting for me a monitor to go along with my laptop...Now i can have duo monitors to work with...Yeah..it does help to expediate in any investigations...ceh! I smell more projects!

Hey, i have just changed my bedsheet....

2009-08-09T16:07:00.002+01:00